'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
