I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
