you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
