omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
