i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
