I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
how drunk are you?
Several
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
