Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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