Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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