Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
