Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i used baking grease as lip gloss
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
