Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
