i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
