the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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