Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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