why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize