I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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