Nicole vs. Life
she looked like the before picture.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
