Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
