I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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