i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
