We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize