come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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