My first STD was from a foam party
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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