Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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