fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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