So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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