The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
