I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
