I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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