He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
