The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
