The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
