How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
