I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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