I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
