she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
