I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
