she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
