did you get engaged???
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
