I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
