she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Sober January is a disaster.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
