I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
