The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
