new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
