i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
