I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
