only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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