Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
