We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize