then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
