I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
