you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
