Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
