I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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