I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
