Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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