be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
