thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
