I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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