I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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