what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I bet he comes in French.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
