Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
