and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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