I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
