i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
