but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
