umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
